RK Monkey Business
by ravenf6
Summary: A one shot fic in which a Marx Brothers trailer is acted out by Kenshin and the gang. My first fanfic here.


RK Monkey Business  
  
Okay. This is gonna be weird. This fanfic is based off a trailer for an old Marx Brothers film, but the twist is that I'm having the cast of the anime, Ruroni Kenshin act it out. I came up with this while watching the Marxs' one time and the idea came to me.  
  
The nuts and bolts of this sketch are that the each of the brothers comes in does the same thing as the last one (singing like Maurice Chavalier, and old singer). I'd like to dedicate this parody to a friend of mine, she goes by the name, Yugiouoh,  
  
By the way, I do not own RK, the Marx brothers, or Maurice Chavalier ,blah, blah, blah. And so on.  
  
And now ladies and gents, the most feared swordsman and his friends face their greatest challenge yet. They will, for your reading pleasure, take on  
the roles of the maddest comics in history!  
  
The cast:  
  
Kenshin Himura as Groucho Marx  
  
Torumaru (the sumo wrestler) as Zeppo Marx  
  
Sanosuke Sagara as Chico Marx  
  
Yahiko Miyojin as Harpo Marx  
  
Gohei Heruma as the Mr. Lee the talent agent  
  
Kaoru Kamiya as the police officer  
  
Megumi Takani as the unknown actress  
  
The Ruroni Kenshin Actors in a reproduction of the Marx Classic,  
  
"Monkey Business"  
  
Four times funnier than the funniest film you've ever seen! *  
  
*Not a guarantee, but it sounded good.  
  
The time is 3:45 pm. Gohei is in his office writing up something when some one knocks on his door.  
  
(Knock! Knock!)  
  
Gohei: Come in. Come in  
  
A large man in a well-dressed kimono squeezes his way through the door.  
  
Torumaru: My name is Sammy Brown, I just came into town. I saw your ad on the street, you can make a mint off me.  
  
Gohei: What do you do?  
  
Torumaru: Dance, sing.  
  
Gohei: Can you play a role?  
  
Torumaru: Anything. Say, I'm a find for guys like you, 'cause there's nothing I can't do.  
  
Gohei: (strokes his beard for a second) Tell me, where did you work before?  
  
Torumaru: In a department store.  
  
Gohei: Who told ya you can dance and sing?  
  
Torumaru: Hey, for money, I'll do anything. You should try me, might as well.  
  
Gohei: You might me great.  
  
Torumaru: Who can tell?  
  
Gohei: What's your specialty?  
  
Torumaru: You mean my big sensation? I knock them cold with my Chavalier imitation. (Takes out a straw hat and starts to sing, with a piano playing off stage)  
  
"If a nightingale could sing like you, she sings much better than they do.  
  
'Cause you've brought a new kind of love to me.  
  
(Gohei grimaces at the singing and shakes his head in dismay)  
  
Torumaru: Well, what do think?  
  
Gohei: On the way, don't slam the door. That's a good imitation, but that's more of a Barrymore.  
  
There's another knock at the door. A tall man in an open white shirt comes in.  
  
Sanosuke: (Under his breath) I can't believe I'm doing this. (In a really bad Italian accent). I'm glad you see me. Are you Mr. Lee?  
  
Torumaru: My name is Sammy brown.  
  
Gohei: Come in. You want to speak to me?  
  
Sanosuke: I wanna speak to Mr. Lee.  
  
Gohei: I'M Mr. Lee.  
  
Torumaru: (Points to Gohei) That's him.  
  
Sanosuke: I see. You want a very good act?  
  
Gohei: Yes.  
  
Sanosuke: Well I'm the guy you want, I guess, I don't speak very good English, yes, but I'm full of pep, and I got the ambish.  
  
Gohei: What do you do?  
  
Sanosuke: Acrobat.  
  
Gohei: What's your name?  
  
Sanosuke: Tamaryo, but the best thing I do is give imitation of Chavalier. (Produces a straw hat and sings, with piano back up)  
  
when the nightingale, they're look like you-  
  
Gohei: (interrupts) That's enough.  
  
Torumaru: (finds a seat and sits down) When you go out, don't slam the door. (The seat groans and shatters under his girth.)  
  
Sanosuke: Well, whaddya think?  
  
Gohei: I need a drink.  
  
Sanosuke: Well, I go get the drink.  
  
Gohei: You'll take the air..  
  
Torumaru: The air is ripe.  
  
Sanosuke: (Shrugs his shoulders) Who likes the air? It's too cold outside.  
  
Gohei: (getting angry) Will you please be quiet?  
  
Sanosuke: I no say the word (cracks his knuckles).  
  
Gohei: (To Sanosuke) not an and, but, or an if , not a word from you, until you're spoken to.  
  
Sanosuke: (starts to get cross) All right, you great big stiff.  
  
Another knock at the door. This time, it's a swordsman with red hair, and a cross-shaped scar on his left cheek.  
  
Kenshin: I want to speak to Mr. Lee. I'm a dramatic actor. That I am.  
  
Gohei: Oh, I see. I'm Mr. Lee.  
  
Kenshin: (rests on his reverse-blade sword like it was a cane) Then lend an ear to me.  
  
Gohei: Can you play a role?  
  
Kenshin: "Can I play a role?" Do you know who you're looking at?  
  
Gohei: No.  
  
Kenshin: (Proudly) Caesar's ghost. (Fanfare plays off stage) I'll play any kind of a role.  
  
Gohei: You will?  
  
Kenshin: I'll eat it up like that. (Rim shot off stage) I played a part in "Ben Hur" once.  
  
Gohei: What part did you play?  
  
Kenshin: A girl. She played the part of Ben.  
  
Gohei: And you?  
  
Kenshin: I played "hur".  
  
Sanosuke: When you go out, take a slam at the door.  
  
Kenshin: You're kidding me, are you not?  
  
Gohei: Kidding, no. I've been here all day. Now, show me what you've got.  
  
Kenshin: (Gets all dramatic) I want to play a dramatic part. The kind that touches a woman's heart. To make her cry, for me to die..  
  
Sanosuke: Did you ever get hit with a coconut pie?  
  
Kenshin: (whacks Sano with the sword) There's my argument; restrict immigration. I think I'll recite.  
  
Gohei: All right.  
  
Kenshin: I think I'll give you a reservation. (Produces his own straw hat) Or would you prefer to see me give my Chavalier imitation?  
  
(Sings a lot better, but none the less abominable)  
  
If the nightingale, could sing like you, They'd sing much sweeter than they do 'cause you've brought a new kind of love to me.  
  
(stops singing) Well, what do you think?  
  
Gohei: Get me a brick!  
  
Kenshin: (Reaches into his kimono) Here's a brick, (hands it to Gohei) I always carry one for this imitation.  
  
Gohei: (Fiercely) I oughta lay this on your head.  
  
Kenshin: You can't do that: you don't belong to the Brick Layers Union,. That you don't.  
  
Another knock at the door. Yahiko comes in (being Harpo, he can't speak) with a silly grin on his face. Everyone but Gohei greets him.  
  
Kenshin: Well. PooPoo Pa do. (Yahiko wanders around the room) PooPoo Padoopie.  
  
Yahiko goes to Sano and does Harpo's bizarre hand shake.  
  
Gohei: Hey! What do you think you're doing? (pulls Yahiko away)  
  
Kenshin: (Gets between Gohei and Yahiko) Hey, wait a minute. Do you know who this is?  
  
Gohei: No.  
  
Kenshin: He's Bill Frankfurt, he's the merchant of wiener.  
  
Gohei: Well whaddya want?  
  
Yahiko gives him a card.  
  
Gohei: (Reading) "Hello. My name is Whaddya Care. Where my home is, anywhere. People say I'm awful dumb, so I thought, to you I'd come-" Hey, I oughta-  
  
Kenshin: Now just a moment. He might be crazy. Wait I'll find out. (Turns to Yahiko) You wanna go on stage?  
  
Yahiko nods  
  
Kenshin (Turns to Gohei) He's crazy.  
  
Gohei: (sternly approaches Yahiko) Hey listen, you tell me what you want or I'll throw you out- (Yahiko hands him another card) Never mind that (throws the card away)! I'll give you a-  
  
Sanosuke stops Gohei at his shoulder.  
  
Sanosuke: Now wait a minute. Just take your time. This little fellow's a good man.  
  
Yahiko gets steamed  
  
Yahiko: Hey! I thought I told you to stop calling me little-! ("Oh shoot, I'm not supposed to talk!)  
  
Sanosuke: Dance for the man.  
  
Gohei: Thank Heavens it's not a Chavalier imitation.  
  
Yahiko takes Gohei's hat and starts whistling the Cavalier imitation.  
  
Gohei: Hey wait a minute! (smacks the hat off Yahiko)  
  
Sanosuke: What do you think of him  
  
Gohei: I wouldn't give him a dollar a week.  
  
Kenshin: Not so loud, he's liable to bite you.  
  
Torumaru: Now you're making a mistake; these fellows are very clever. (Takes out a script) And I've got a script for you that I've gotta explain.  
  
Yahiko fools around getting Gohei really angry  
  
Torumaru: Now let's sit down.  
  
Gohei, Yahiko, and Torumaru sit near the desk, whereas Kenshin and Sanosuke opposite.  
  
Torumaru: ..this takes place in a beautiful mansion where-  
  
Yahiko takes the paper off the desk and messes around with them. Everyone tries to insert their opinions but it turns into an uproar. Constant arguing soon a police woman bursts into the room  
  
Kaoru: All right, what's going on here??  
  
Everyone's arguing continues, soon a lady comes in. Everyone greets her, and the arguing continues anew. Yahiko continues to mess around with Gohei's stuff and that pretty much covers it.  
  
The End  
  
I don't know what you guys would think, but I thought what the heck? I was bored when I did this. 


End file.
